plunge
03-25-2003, 09:57 AM
This is my entry for the "Opening Day Fever contest" at MLB.com. You were supposed to write a letter to your boss to give a "justifiable" explanation for excusing yourself from work in order to go to the first baseball game of the season.
Enjoy...
To: Dr. Chou
From: Derek Bacharach
Date: March 31, 2003
Subject: Opening Day Fever
Dear Dr. Chou:
Remember when you said in the staff meeting that we’re in a dry spell when it comes to getting research studies? And about being more assertive about getting subjects for the current studies?
Well I’ve put the two together . . . at Shea Stadium. I’ve taken it upon myself to initiate a new research study that will provide the necessary data to formulate a new subtype of Seasonal Affective Disorder called “Opening Day Fever, Baseball Type” (of course, there are other types like Football and Toyotathon). In a nutshell, the symptoms include excessive energy, excessive spending, racing thoughts, difficulty sitting still, difficulty sleeping, decreased concentration, increased distractability and little need for sleep. The research protocol for this study (which I did last night) is attached to this email.
If by chance you see the game on television and the camera happens to pan in my direction, it may look like I’m enjoying myself like the fans around me but I’m actually working between innings. It’ll be easy to recruit subjects. They will be covered in Mets memorabilia – clothes, facial paint, wigs – and they will have a look of inner disorientation between innings, a certain befuddlement that my co-workers have wrongly accused me of having these past few days.
I took out $414.57 from petty cash to cover my expenses and to cover the small compensation I will give ten dollars to each person who agrees to answer my questionnaire. I think we have a good shot at presenting this study at the American Psychiatric Association’s next convention in Chicago.
Don’t thank me. I’ll see you tomorrow to report my findings.
P.S. Is the convention near Wrigley Field?
Enjoy...
To: Dr. Chou
From: Derek Bacharach
Date: March 31, 2003
Subject: Opening Day Fever
Dear Dr. Chou:
Remember when you said in the staff meeting that we’re in a dry spell when it comes to getting research studies? And about being more assertive about getting subjects for the current studies?
Well I’ve put the two together . . . at Shea Stadium. I’ve taken it upon myself to initiate a new research study that will provide the necessary data to formulate a new subtype of Seasonal Affective Disorder called “Opening Day Fever, Baseball Type” (of course, there are other types like Football and Toyotathon). In a nutshell, the symptoms include excessive energy, excessive spending, racing thoughts, difficulty sitting still, difficulty sleeping, decreased concentration, increased distractability and little need for sleep. The research protocol for this study (which I did last night) is attached to this email.
If by chance you see the game on television and the camera happens to pan in my direction, it may look like I’m enjoying myself like the fans around me but I’m actually working between innings. It’ll be easy to recruit subjects. They will be covered in Mets memorabilia – clothes, facial paint, wigs – and they will have a look of inner disorientation between innings, a certain befuddlement that my co-workers have wrongly accused me of having these past few days.
I took out $414.57 from petty cash to cover my expenses and to cover the small compensation I will give ten dollars to each person who agrees to answer my questionnaire. I think we have a good shot at presenting this study at the American Psychiatric Association’s next convention in Chicago.
Don’t thank me. I’ll see you tomorrow to report my findings.
P.S. Is the convention near Wrigley Field?