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mrveggieman
09-19-2012, 01:42 PM
My wife and I were talking about it this morning. What are your thoughts? The bible says in Proverbs 13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." However not everyone goes by the bible so that would not be applicable to atheists. What are you thoughts on corporal punishment? Also what are your thoughts on the forementioned bible verse? Should people use that as justification to spank their children? Also would you want or allow a non family member to discipline your child? All input is welcome.

Wickabee
09-19-2012, 01:55 PM
There is nothing wrong with spanking, but most who spank do it wrong. Spanking is NOT a punishment, it's an attention-getter and it shouldn't be any more painful than a minor toe-stub.
The way I see it, if the cat is scratching the couch, I give him a light smack to get him to stop, not to punish him, so why would I smack my child as punishment. When a kid just won't stop doing X, sometimes they need a little smack to get their attention. If you don't have their attention, you can't tell them anything. If a light little smack gets their attention, so be it.
I would never, ever spank out of anger or punishment though. I don't think that is right at all. Not just on the "child beating" level, but I think it's an ineffective method as well.

mrveggieman
09-19-2012, 02:07 PM
There is nothing wrong with spanking, but most who spank do it wrong. Spanking is NOT a punishment, it's an attention-getter and it shouldn't be any more painful than a minor toe-stub.
The way I see it, if the cat is scratching the couch, I give him a light smack to get him to stop, not to punish him, so why would I smack my child as punishment. When a kid just won't stop doing X, sometimes they need a little smack to get their attention. If you don't have their attention, you can't tell them anything. If a light little smack gets their attention, so be it.
I would never, ever spank out of anger or punishment though. I don't think that is right at all. Not just on the "child beating" level, but I think it's an ineffective method as well.


Different people have different ways of parenting. Call me old fashioned but I believe that a little bit of discipline never hurt anybody. I believe that half of these kids who curse their teachers, bully other kids, get pregnant at 13 and bring guns to school would not be the way if they had parents who showed them some discipline. Not abuse but discipline.

Wickabee
09-19-2012, 02:14 PM
Different people have different ways of parenting. Call me old fashioned but I believe that a little bit of discipline never hurt anybody. I believe that half of these kids who curse their teachers, bully other kids, get pregnant at 13 and bring guns to school would not be the way if they had parents who showed them some discipline. Not abuse but discipline.

Discipline is not exclusive to hitting. Personally, I don't think a smack is discipline, or at least, good discipline. I think it does more to show power than instil discipline, which is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself. Like I said, I have no problem giving a smack to get attention, to get them to stop, etc. But as punishment I just don't see it as an effective punishment. If you rob someone and the cops show up, they're likely going to hit/kick/tazer/club you right off the bat. But once that's over and you're convicted, the prison warden doesn't put you over his knee. Why hit our kids for misbehaving if we won't hit our adults for misbehaving.

Like you said though, diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks, and I don't judge anyone who does spank. Beating is a different story, of course.

mrveggieman
09-19-2012, 02:22 PM
Discipline is not exclusive to hitting. Personally, I don't think a smack is discipline, or at least, good discipline. I think it does more to show power than instil discipline, which is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself. Like I said, I have no problem giving a smack to get attention, to get them to stop, etc. But as punishment I just don't see it as an effective punishment. If you rob someone and the cops show up, they're likely going to hit/kick/tazer/club you right off the bat. But once that's over and you're convicted, the prison warden doesn't put you over his knee. Why hit our kids for misbehaving if we won't hit our adults for misbehaving.

Like you said though, diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks, and I don't judge anyone who does spank. Beating is a different story, of course.

There's an old saying in the south that goes something like this. "Listen to me or listen to listen to the man" if you know what I mean. We spank our kids so they wont be in a position to be beat by the police or in jail by the warden or the guards. Obviously that is not a guarantee since we all know that the police like to pick on innocent people just for kicks but it hopefully it would reduce the instances of children getting into trouble as adults.

duane1969
09-19-2012, 02:25 PM
When I was a kid I got some major "spankings" from my dad. They were not light slaps or taps either. I got whipped with a tree switch to the point that my legs bled, I got punched in the mouth for back-talking (not slapped, closed-fist punched)...the lesser spankings were done with a 3" wide thick leather belt on my bare legs and rear until I had welts and bruises.

So do I support corporal punishment? Yes. But it has to have some common sense about it. I agree with Wickabee, it should be an attention getter, not a vicious beating that may need medical attention. And it should never be done out of anger.

Do I use it? Essentially no. I can't recall the last time I used physical punishment on one of my kids. I use assertive parenting and aggressive implementation of loss of priveledges to achive my goals. My 17 year old daughter LOVES her cell phone and she knows that a major screw-up will equal losing her cell phone priveledges. Taking her cell phone away would be much worse than any spanking I could give her. In fact, she has even said that she would rather be spanked than lose it. I know her weakness so I don't need to hit her. Besides, she is my baby girl, I would use some major "corporal punishment" on anyone that hurt her, why would I want to hurt her?

My 11 year old son is the same way. Losing Xbox360/Nintendo DS priveledges and the priveledge to go play with his friends would be hell on him. Anytime I need to reinforce a rule all I have to do is make him stay home and not let him play video games and voila!

Wickabee
09-19-2012, 02:43 PM
There's an old saying in the south that goes something like this. "Listen to me or listen to listen to the man" if you know what I mean. We spank our kids so they wont be in a position to be beat by the police or in jail by the warden or the guards. Obviously that is not a guarantee since we all know that the police like to pick on innocent people just for kicks but it hopefully it would reduce the instances of children getting into trouble as adults.

Maybe, but I think probably not. Spanking as a punishment is short lived and quickly forgotten. Whippings like Duane described last longer but leave scars, not always just physical ones. My daughter is a year and a half old and I have given her an attention getting smack on the bum a couple of times. She has a habit of getting into the cutlery drawer (I still can't believe how tall she is) where there, of course, are steak knives. Guess what she likes to grab and run around with...
When she starts into the drawer, she doesn't listen to anything until she's finished. I yell, I scream...nothing. So, she gets a smack on the bum for the purpose of her not cutting or stabbing herself. A spank is far less consequence than she invites by grabbing the knife and running, and it gets her to stop. One could argue that I should put the knives somewhere higher, but what would that teach her. Punishment, like pretty much everything in life, should be more a learning experience than just a consequence. Of course, consequences is part of the lesson, but when a strike is short lived and quickly forgotten, there's a very short window for the learning to actually happen. Take away a cell phone or gaming system or, like my parents did, a week in the bedroom with all electronics taken away (even my clock radio would be replaced with a plain old alarm clock for the week) can do wonders. I'm not a Dr. Phil fan, but one thing he always says that makes a lot of sense is that you have to find you child's "currency". That thing or things that they will work for as a reward and will do anything to keep. With some kids it's cash, others it's desert, others it's time with friends or TV or a musical instrument, etc, etc.

Star_Cards
09-19-2012, 02:53 PM
I was spanked and wouldn't be opposed to spanking if I had kids. I'd have to actually think about it with a wife if that ever happens. As far as corporal punishment in schools I don't think it has a place. I think they should be able to discipline but not physically putting their hands on them. I'd say making them do something manual labor or hard exercise would be a better route.

I watch Beyond Scared Straight and some places make kids do a ton of working out or manual labor and helps focus them usually. Although that would all depend on their age.

Wickabee
09-19-2012, 03:04 PM
I was spanked and wouldn't be opposed to spanking if I had kids. I'd have to actually think about it with a wife if that ever happens. As far as corporal punishment in schools I don't think it has a place. I think they should be able to discipline but not physically putting their hands on them. I'd say making them do something manual labor or hard exercise would be a better route.

I watch Beyond Scared Straight and some places make kids do a ton of working out or manual labor and helps focus them usually. Although that would all depend on their age.

Once kids are older, I have no problem getting a little lax in schools. When a male student says something incredibly stupid (as I sometimes did) a small smack on the back of the head is appropriate in my eyes (as I got sometimes). An example of exactly what this particular smack entails can be found in any number of episodes of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
The strap, rapping of fingers with rulers, spoons, etc have no place in schools, but if I have a 15yr old son who says something stupid while, say, on a field trip to a museum and the teacher is standing next to him, I wouldn't be mad if he got a quick smack (non painful) in the back of the head.

habsheaven
09-19-2012, 03:28 PM
I received a few spankings in my childhood that would be seen as abuse now. In our house, spanking was a deterrent. When my mother caught us behaving badly we were told, "Just wait until your father gets home." We knew what that meant. The bad behaviour stopped immediately, and when dad got home from work we got the belt. We did not forget. I wouldn't change a single thing from my upbringing.

Edit: I should add. As for my two daughters. The most they ever got when being disciplined were fairly light smacks on the behind. UNTIL, my oldest daughter turned 13. We went through a 6 month period of her being very rebellious and mouthy. That ended one day when she came home a couple hours late and we realized she was still hanging out with a local pothead. I literally broke down her bedroom door and gave her a good 10 smacks with my belt (yes I was angry). It scared the living crap out of her, her mother and her sister. (gave me a good scare too) But it was all worth it. From that day forward she changed her tune.

Wickabee
09-19-2012, 04:01 PM
I'm not going to deny it can work, and I never say never. At this point, for me, I see it as ineffective. At the very least, I don't want to take away any effectiveness it does have as an attention-getter by overusing it or using it as punishment. I got spanked a few times, but only with the hand. I never got the spoon or belt or switch or anything like that and I do know I will never use any instrument like that to spank my child. Just me.

AUTaxMan
09-19-2012, 06:56 PM
I believe in it and employ it, but I wouldn't want a non-family member to do it. It works on some better than others, depending upon personality. It should be applied on a case-by-case basis. I got the hand, spoon, switch, etc., and it worked. None of it worked on my little sister.

habsheaven
09-19-2012, 07:22 PM
My little sister never received corporal punishment from my parents. Not that she ever really needed it like my brother and I did every now and then.

shrewsbury
09-19-2012, 11:09 PM
got it and it didn't work, but i don't think anything would have.

with my 3 girls, i think maybe a hand full of times it came to a spanking. usually a good yelling at, sent to room, privilages taken away, and when older, a long talk from me, was about all we done.

the key is not to do it in anger

drtom2005
09-20-2012, 01:35 AM
Different people have different ways of parenting. Call me old fashioned but I believe that a little bit of discipline never hurt anybody. I believe that half of these kids who curse their teachers, bully other kids, get pregnant at 13 and bring guns to school would not be the way if they had parents who showed them some discipline. Not abuse but discipline.
I disagree. Most of those kid's parents probably treat their kids as friends. That should not happen until later in life. I am no a dad, but I was never physically touched by my parents. Of course, I did get punished. According to the psych literature, spanking a child doesn't work. It is like telling a child they are great all of the time or good job. The affect wears off.

habsheaven
09-20-2012, 08:08 AM
I disagree. Most of those kid's parents probably treat their kids as friends. That should not happen until later in life. I am no a dad, but I was never physically touched by my parents. Of course, I did get punished. According to the psych literature, spanking a child doesn't work. It is like telling a child they are great all of the time or good job. The affect wears off.

I disagree. Spanking worked on my brother and I just fine.

mrveggieman
09-20-2012, 01:03 PM
I disagree. Most of those kid's parents probably treat their kids as friends. That should not happen until later in life. I am no a dad, but I was never physically touched by my parents. Of course, I did get punished. According to the psych literature, spanking a child doesn't work. It is like telling a child they are great all of the time or good job. The affect wears off.


I don't know if this is true or not but I have read that Dr. Benjamin Spock who was against spanking children, his son committed suicide. If true I wonder if things would have turned out differently if he would have spanked his son when he started to get out of line.

duane1969
09-20-2012, 01:07 PM
I disagree. Most of those kid's parents probably treat their kids as friends. That should not happen until later in life. I am no a dad, but I was never physically touched by my parents. Of course, I did get punished. According to the psych literature, spanking a child doesn't work. It is like telling a child they are great all of the time or good job. The affect wears off.

I agree with what you are saying to some degree. I am very good friends with my 17 year old daughter and 11 year old son. we hang out together, they talk to me about things that most parents probably never hear from their kids and we are very much friends. at the same time, my kids know that I am daddy. I think that it is OK to be friends with your kids but you have to maintain the reality that you are the authority figure.

habsheaven
09-20-2012, 01:19 PM
I agree with what you are saying to some degree. I am very good friends with my 17 year old daughter and 11 year old son. we hang out together, they talk to me about things that most parents probably never hear from their kids and we are very much friends. at the same time, my kids know that I am daddy. I think that it is OK to be friends with your kids but you have to maintain the reality that you are the authority figure.

I have the same relationship with my two daughters. They talk to me about everything and anything. It has always been that way. They still know who daddy is though. I think if you do it properly you can wear both hats (friend & father).

mrveggieman
09-20-2012, 01:32 PM
I have the same relationship with my two daughters. They talk to me about everything and anything. It has always been that way. They still know who daddy is though. I think if you do it properly you can wear both hats (friend & father).


Agree. Since I am an adult now I can talk to my mother about anything. As a child there were certian conversations that we could have not had. Even though I am grown I still respect her as my mom.