Admit it, you break a box, and you don’t know what to do with those nifty little rectangle cardboard pieces. There’s a name on it, there’s a picture on it, and probably not so interesting info on the back. Some years ago people collected them. Today, you couldn’t care less, base cards year 2008 are ugly, pointless, sloppy designed, colorless. You’re a predator, you’re only going for the meat, the backbone of today’s collecting – game-used, autographs, and rookies. That 90% of these are just as worthless doesn’t worry you, it’s the Crosby’s, Gretzky’s and other goodies that makes your mind drool. You end up pulling names no one hardly’s heard of, sell or trade to them to some fool, but then… you realize you can’t even sell the base cards in one lot for 50 cents. So you put them in a box and shove it in the closet. End of story, a sunny day remains sunny.

Do you sleep well? Hear any whispers at night? Forgotten cards swirl around in your mind? Collecting old dust, and when you’re about to throw in another box of useless basecards in the closet you realize you have to remove the vacuum cleaner to actually make room for it. That’s enough.

What to do with your pile of worthless basecards no one wants. Let’s make a real effort to get rid of that junk. Now let’s see…

1) Give them to a kid, that’s it, brilliant. You get rid of it, kid gets happy. Tell a child you know you got ten boxes of hockey cards he can get and arrange a meeting. Kid is shining, full of joy. You hand him the boxes, he rips them open, quickly goes through the cards, and give you a look like you’re a dead skunk the cat dragged in. Well if you’re lucky, the kid’s polite and just walks away. Bad idea.

2) Oh yes, pile them up, we’re going to the trash deposit! Once there though, you’re not sure whether to deposit them as paper, plastic, or toxic material. You end up driving home again with it.

3) Cut them to itsy bitsy small pieces. Yes this is fun, actually gets some frustration out. But it’ll take forever. Where to put the pieces? No back to square one.

Cut Cards

4) Stop pulling your hair! Time for destruction, they must go. Burn baby burn, should be easy, heeheeeheee (read: frantic laughter with light foam at mouth). Yes yes, burn, I like that. Grab a bunch, light a fire, nnnnn, come on, fire. Ok don’t try this at home, there’s a terrible stench, smells toxic, and the buggers won’t burn. And you’ll burn your fingertips. Darn.

Burned cards

5) I got it, the ultimate solution! Give them to pets as toys! Just look at it, birdie loves to chew at it, perfect beak exercise. It’s just perfect, get rid of all the cards, and do some charity for animals at the same time. Really? You look ok to me, don’t be so stiff. You’re moving, right? Toxic? No they’re just fine, go ahead and chew. No don’t throw up on my new carpet! Hmm. Chemicals? Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea, we can’t risk poisoning thousands of pets can we.

Parrot Cards

6) I’ve given up. Get more closets.


burnt cards