Friend issues. Any advice?

[WilyWestbrook0]

I've had a good online friend for over a decade. He is very similar to me: achieved highly in English and school in general, but has struggled with employment; rather impractical; rather negative and moody at times.

I've tried to be patient with some of his baggage lately, but I'm at a boiling point with him now.

Here's the lowdown:

* he lives with a roommate. His roommate is admittedly irresponsible - doesn't do much around the house, eats most of the food, even does illicit drugs. This totally sets off my friend.

* my friend works a minimum wage job, part time. It's enough to get by, but not to live comfortably.

I've sympathized with my friend's struggles; my family and I have even sent him money.

But I do not think he is handling his situation objectively anymore.

For starters, he broke his own phone. He admitted this was a pretty dumb thing to do, but he did it anyway. How is he going to get calls for any additional jobs now?

On top of that, he said he stopped searching for jobs because "it doesn't work." Then he insists he wants something more concrete because sunshine and happiness doesn't solve problems.

Um, of course sunshine and happiness doesn't solve problems. But that is not the point. The point is, HOW DOES HE EXPECT TO GET A JOB IF HE DOES NOT SEARCH FOR ONE? No, it doesn't always work, but a job isn't gonna fall in his freaking lap if he just sits there all day.

HELLO!?

I work direct support - assisting people with disabilities. I did not get that job by sitting on my butt, moping all day, and destroying my phone just to get back at a roommate.

How do I get this through to my negative, whiny friend? I've tried the polite thing; I've more recently tried the blunter thing.

Is there any other approach that might work?

[ravens_creed]

Not that I'm a psychologist, but it sounds to me like your friend is largely (subconsciously) aware of his own situation and what he has done and is doing to continue to live at this pace. Perhaps he was getting by too well close to the bottom and needed to really bottom out before he would be ready to move forward. I'm not sure that he is entirely ready yet.

As much as he might be actively contributing to his own woes, don't underestimate the power/grip of depression. He sounds like a sufferer, and if it's bad enough, I would recommend to him that he takes his lazy butt to a doctor and start talking to a professional about things. IF he's willing to help himself, improved diet and exercise and sleep can also make vast improvements. Tell him to check out a very good self-help book called "Mind Over Mood". ... the issue here is whether he is ready to change, or is he still needs to mope a bit longer before he's ready to pick himself back up again. That part is up to him.

[WilyWestbrook0]

Yeah, he is a depression sufferer. I know he does take some sort of med (Prozac?), or used to - not exactly sure what his current status is there. His diet is okay - not sure about sleep or exercise - but I personally think he abuses caffeine too much.

In better news, I did talk to him yesterday, and he seemed in a better mood. I told him more about my current job and how he might want to apply for something similar over in his state. He also replaced his phone. Hopefully this is the start of a recovery period.

Thanks for your helpful reply.