Seriously desperate for cash

[chajones]

Rick and Kevin, two of my SCF "inner circle" I was going to insert a smiley of two guys shaking hands but there is only fighting and kissing. But Rick(papaperk) meet Kevin (InDaSlot81) and Kevin meet Rick. It's funny I love your responses. It wasn't my first response.

Had a tough night sleeping last night. I shed not a tear or lose a lose a wink of sleep for myself. When I was in the 5th grade we were given the task of writing what our life would be like in 30 year. Most people wrote about being professional athletes or being lawyers or doctors. I wrote of just having a family. My dad had left me and my mom and it had hurt me deeply. All I ever wanted was a family. I have it and now stare down the idea of losing it all. Yes it makes me enjoy the time I have, but it is also confusing. There are men who have children like my father who walk away from their children and have nothing to do with them. All I want is to be there for mine for every minute of every day and I could lose it. I see parents who long for summer vacation to be over and school to start - even parents who pay for their children to be in day care after school so they can have more alone time. I have never ever needed or wanted alone time. I hate when my kids have to go to school. I want to play with them all day. I don't want my kids to get away from me for a while. I want to be by them every second. And I have done that from birth - long before cancer came along. I can't stand the thought of them growing up without a father. The very thing I said I would never be was an absent father and now that's exactly what I might be.

Kevin and Rick, thank you for you positive responses. They do help. Kevin, you saw only good in that report didn't you? Rick, you see it too. I'm slow to come around, but your posts will help me sleep tonight. Let this be an example to everyone that you have to focus on the good and even these seemingly simple posts can help people a million miles way. Thank you both and all the well-wishes I get on here all the time. They really do make a difference.

I really do love you guys.

[scubakuda19]

Family is forever my friend, even when we don't walk on this Earth anymore, the things we've done and the things we make remain and our legacy lives forever. Stay very positive, we are giant transmission towers of energy and the universe is so very strong so keep pumping that vibe " I will be healthy, and I will be here on Earth for many years to come with my family". In the mean time I and others will keep you in prayer. I've never had the pleasure of trading/talking with you, however I always read your updates and I too remain positive for you, God Bless!

[InDaSlot81]

Hey chris, this was great to read. Good to know that we can help ease your mind during this stressful time. Trust what this doctor is telling you, we may know how to PC and flip cards but this is his forte. I am getting good vibes from what I'm hearing keep staying positive , we are praying for you man

Rick and Kevin, two of my SCF "inner circle" I was going to insert a smiley of two guys shaking hands but there is only fighting and kissing. But Rick(papaperk) meet Kevin (InDaSlot81) and Kevin meet Rick. It's funny I love your responses. It wasn't my first response.

Had a tough night sleeping last night. I shed not a tear or lose a lose a wink of sleep for myself. When I was in the 5th grade we were given the task of writing what our life would be like in 30 year. Most people wrote about being professional athletes or being lawyers or doctors. I wrote of just having a family. My dad had left me and my mom and it had hurt me deeply. All I ever wanted was a family. I have it and now stare down the idea of losing it all. Yes it makes me enjoy the time I have, but it is also confusing. There are men who have children like my father who walk away from their children and have nothing to do with them. All I want is to be there for mine for every minute of every day and I could lose it. I see parents who long for summer vacation to be over and school to start - even parents who pay for their children to be in day care after school so they can have more alone time. I have never ever needed or wanted alone time. I hate when my kids have to go to school. I want to play with them all day. I don't want my kids to get away from me for a while. I want to be by them every second. And I have done that from birth - long before cancer came along. I can't stand the thought of them growing up without a father. The very thing I said I would never be was an absent father and now that's exactly what I might be.

Kevin and Rick, thank you for you positive responses. They do help. Kevin, you saw only good in that report didn't you? Rick, you see it too. I'm slow to come around, but your posts will help me sleep tonight. Let this be an example to everyone that you have to focus on the good and even these seemingly simple posts can help people a million miles way. Thank you both and all the well-wishes I get on here all the time. They really do make a difference.

I really do love you guys.

[mikec5000]

I saw "promising" and didn't see "no". It's not the news I was hoping to read, but still positive and definately not negative. I'll keep you & your family in my prayers Chris.

Hey Rick, hey everyone. Unfortunately I don't know much more. The doctor says it is "promising" but I didn't get the answer I wanted. The tumor board will meet on Thursday. On Friday they will call and tell me the next step. The next step is a PET scan. Then they will review that. If it is OK then we will move onto surgery. So another scan and more waiting. The only good thing I have is the surgeon says it looks promising and he has seen more of these than just about anyone. So I'll have to take that and move on.

[chajones]

Thanks guys and all that rambling wasn't what I was thinking today it was what kept me awake last night. Today was a good day. Got some toys at the Goodwill for my boys and we had fun. Now we are settling down to some cartoons before bedtime. It's a good day. And I don't know how much you guys know about my physical condition. Some people hear stage iv and assume I'm bed ridden. Nothing could be further from the truth. While that is the case for many many people in my condition, I have few symptoms at all, except when I have chemo. I get up at 6:20 all weekdays and get my boys ready for school. I make their breakfast, make sure they are dressed, folders are signed etc etc and drive them to the bus stop. I come back home and work on the house, do chores etc. Nothing too strenuous and I take a lot of breaks but I do the dishes, sweep, mop, run errands etc. Right now we're rearranging the boys playroom on the top floor and my man cave on the bottom floor. So lots of things going up and down 2 flights of stairs. I like to go hiking on the trails near our house and play basketball with them and of course play action figures and mess with cards. I make dinner a few nights a week. I give Heather Saturdays off so she can have some "her" time. I don't need any so I hang with the boys all weekend. We try to go to Goodwill or yard saling when money and weather permit. We like to go fishing too.

If surgery is not an option I am going to seek out clinical trials. They are doing some amazing things using your own immune system to battle cancer. And since colon cancer is one of the biggest killers it usually has some trials going on. So I have that route if surgery doesn't work out. One thing is for sure, I won't go down without a fight.

Thank you again you guys. It's easy to get down, but I can get up quickly when people encourage me. I really appreciate it.

[papaperk]

Hey Chris, Loved the daily activities run down. That's what life is all about my friend. Take time to enjoy "routine" things and treasure each mundane moment even if nothing spectacular or monumental occurs. God willing, years from now when your boys are sitting with their kids in their laps and grandpa retelling old stories of Bill Dudley, you'll look back on past days and those are the things you will remember. Yesterday was my son's birthday and it was also the 9th anniversary of the day he was killed. He would have been 26yrs old. Sad day...yes. But boy did I enjoy remembering the little things we used to do. Card collecting, bike rides, watching Power Rangers, pretending to be the Red Ranger fighting evil in the universe, putting the tent up in the back yard and camping in the great outdoors with an extension cord running from the house to power a small fan and b/w tv......really roughing it! His favorite food was pepperoni pizza so what did I have for supper last night? Yep! Tasted like a 5-star gourmet meal!

I know I've said this before:
Yesterday is but a dream...
Tomorrow is but a vision of hope...
Cherish today for it is where life and love are!

You are not alone in this journey, hug Heather, Kyler, and Conner. Fix the boys a PB and J sandwich, watch Sponge Bob and live in the moment. Tomorrow will be here soon enough, don't rush it. Unless it involves the UK Wildcats winning the NCAA tourney next year, darn Huskies!

God bless all of you,
Rick

[chajones]

Rick, I think about you all the time. When I'm feeling sorry for myself I think of all you have been through and think, someone had it worse than me. No one should ever have to bury their child. It's a tragedy! I will never eat another pepperoni pizza without thinking of you and your son.

[mgdwilly]

I have two boys of my own 7 and 5, I can't imagine, sent you a little paypal, happy yard saling this weekend....

[papaperk]

Rick, I think about you all the time. When I'm feeling sorry for myself I think of all you have been through and think, someone had it worse than me. No one should ever have to bury their child. It's a tragedy! I will never eat another pepperoni pizza without thinking of you and your son.

Have two pizzas!
We all have our burdens to bear, no one is greater than another, "Perspective" seems like an appropriate word, I think you may have heard it a time or two. I learned about it from you and will be forever grateful.
Now get out there and do something goofy with Heather and the boys!
Rick

[chajones]

I have two boys of my own 7 and 5, I can't imagine, sent you a little paypal, happy yard saling this weekend....

Thank you my friend! It is much appreciated!

Have two pizzas!
We all have our burdens to bear, no one is greater than another, "Perspective" seems like an appropriate word, I think you may have heard it a time or two. I learned about it from you and will be forever grateful.
Now get out there and do something goofy with Heather and the boys!
Rick

We had a great time last night. Taking the boys to the park to hit some balls today!