BY: Bruce Arhtur

Good morning, everybody, and welcome to this fancy downtown Toronto restaurant. What a crowd! If you have not yet sampled the sandwich platters being carried around by the burly young waiters, please feel free. That is real turkey, ladies and gentlemen.

With great pleasure and immeasurable pride - though, sadly, not with immeasurable amounts of money - I would like to announce my intention to bring a second National Hockey League team to Toronto, since that is apparently the fashionable thing to do these days.

This market is underserved; the time is right. It is clear that this is the point at which history should - nay, must - be made.