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Thread: ?? How funny are you ??

  1. #1

    ?? How funny are you ??

    Best Joke gets 50 card cash from me.
    1. Keep it clean. I have kids.
    2. Less than 45 words. Some of us read like kids.
    3. Contest ends June 30th at midnight.

    Let me get it started.

    Yo mamma's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!
    Yo mamma's so fat, her picture weighs ten pounds.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

    two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

    . 'A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut're next!" '.

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    A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem.

    Doctor: Have you ever fainted before?
    Patient: Yes, the last time you told me your fees.

  5. #5
    What did the rug say to the floor........I got you covered!

  6. #6
    What's the difference between a Violin and a Fiddle?

    Depends on how many teeth the person playing it has.
    If I have to choose between you and an animal
    I'm not picking you
    If you argue cents on a trade, go pound sand

  7. #7
    Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 ate 9

    Why didn't the blind man sky dive? Because it scared the poo out of the dog

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by 70sbestcardboard View Post
    What's the difference between a Violin and a Fiddle?

    Depends on how many teeth the person playing it has.
    I LIKE IT!

  9. #9
    What do you call a Smurf with his pants down?

    A blue moon!

  10. #10
    Two peanuts walked into an was asalted (assaulted)

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