?? How funny are you ??

**ramsey13** · 06-27-2012, 08:50 PM

2 people walk into a bar......... the 3rd one ducked.

**wicked weasel** · 06-27-2012, 09:55 PM

what color does a smuf turns if you choke him?

**wicked weasel** · 06-27-2012, 09:55 PM

yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and made change .....

**palantri** · 06-27-2012, 11:13 PM

Upper Deck Customer Support

**ramsey13** · 06-29-2012, 08:47 PM

What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are u shaking shes gonna eat me!

**~~Wickabee~~** · 06-29-2012, 09:12 PM

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick

Q: What did the orange say to the lemon?
A: Hello, lemon

Ricky lived in a small town. It was such a small town that the only thing that ever happened there was the week the carnival came to town. For the rest of the year, Ricky and his friends would sit and think about the carnival, reminisce about the carnival and make plans for the next carnival. Ricky loved the carnival, I mean LOVED it. He loved it more than Christmas and Halloween combined, and he loved Christmas and Halloween. Some say he even loved the carnival more than his own home.

Well, the carnival came around one year and Ricky was so excited. He slept outside the fairgrounds for two nights before it opened. He was the first one through the gate and he made sure he did everything twice. He rode all the rides, played all the games, ate one of everything and then did it all again. All of it, though, was just killing time until his absolute favourite part of the carnival. The big finale that was the Clown Show.

The Clown Show started at 7:30, but he got his seat at 7. Front row center. Eventually people started filing in and the place became packed. Everyone loved the Clown Show. Well, the show started and it was great. Ricky chuckled when all the clowns came out of a little car. He laughed when one clown squirted another with seltzer water. He howled with delight when they all got into a pie fight.

But then something happened that Rickey didn't expect. The lights dimmed slightly and it got quiet, real quiet. The Head Clown walked up to the microphone and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, for this next part, we'll need a volunteer."
Without a thought Ricky jumped out of his seat and started flailing his hands over his head and screaming, trying to be seen. He could hardly believe it when the Head Clown pointed and said, "Well use this young fellow here."

Ricky walked onto the stage and looked out over the crowd. He knew everyone there. All his freinds, family and neighbours had smiles on their faces. They knew what this meant to him. Ricky was beside himself with joy to be on the stage in front of everyone at the Clown Show.

As Ricky stood there, the Head Clown walked up to the mic and said, "Son, what's your name?"
"R-Ricky, sir," Ricky replied, a little nervous.
"Ok, Ricky," said the Head Clown, "Are you a mule?"
Ricky shook his head, "No."
The clown looked at him. "Are you a donkey?"
Ricky shook his head again, "No."
"Well then," said the Head Clown, "You must be an @$$"

The crowd started laughing, but the world was silent for Ricky. In the time it took for the Head Clown to say what he said, Ricky's world fell apart. He looked over the audience and they were laughing. They were laughing AT HIM! Ricky turned and ran off the stage crying.

That night Ricky vowed he would never be had like that again. The very next day he started studying every comedian and old TV show he could find. He would learn the art of the perfect comeback and never again be laughed at like that. He studied day and night watching old episodes of All in the Family and M*A*S*H. He listened to Richard Pryor albums and watched George Carlin for hours, just to see how they dealt with hecklers. Before Ricky new it, the carnival was back in town...and he was ready.

Ricky went to the carnival and rode all the rides twice. He played all the games twice and ate one of everything twice. When it came time for the big finale, he picked the same seat. He laughed at the antics of all the clowns, but then the time came. The Head Clown walked up to the microphone and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, for this next part, we'll need a volunteer."
Without a thought Ricky jumped out of his seat and started flailing his hands over his head and screaming, trying to be seen. He could hardly believe it when the Head Clown pointed and said, "Well use this young fellow here."

Ricky walked onto the stage and looked out over the crowd. He knew everyone there. All his freinds, family and neighbours had smiles on their faces. They knew what this meant to him. Especially a second time.

As Ricky stood there, the Head Clown walked up to the mic and said, "Son, what's your name?"
"R-Ricky, sir," Ricky replied, a little nervous.
"Ok, Ricky," said the Head Clown, "Are you a mule?"
Ricky shook his head, "No."
The clown looked at him. "Are you a donkey?"
Ricky shook his head again, "No."
"Well then," said the Head Clown, "You must be an @$$"

Suddenly Ricky imagined himself diving into a swimming pool. Once he dove into the water he opened his eyes and saw he was surrounded by every one-liner, every comeback, every smart-aleck remark he had studied all year. He swam and swam, looking for that perfect line. Suddenly he saw. Ricky reached out and grabbed it. He opened his eyes and he was onstage with the Head Clown and everyone was laughing at him, but he knew better. Ricky looked at the Head Clown, smiled slightly, grabbed the microphone from him and said, "Oh yeah?

well screw you."