Are we 'Good-job!'-ing our kids to pieces?

[OnePimpTiger]

Are we 'Good-job!'-ing our kids to pieces?

We've talked about this plenty before, but I thought this was a good article. Basically it talks about how avoiding criticizing kids and always trying to protect/build their self-esteem by telling them they're good at something when they're not is making them bad at life later on.

Here's a perfect summary:

"There are these sad and negative connotations to the term, but the truth is, most of us fall in that bell curve, the bell curve of average.

"Why are we so afraid to say it?"

[chljoe]

I must have missed the 80s backpatting because none of that happened to me. I think the gold stars and praise ended around third or fourth grade. After that, if I didn't put in effort and work, I got nothing in return.

[OnePimpTiger]

Yeah that's what I was thinking too...I didn't notice much of this stuff when I was in school (86-99). From the news stories I've read from around the country, it seems like this is actually getting worse and worse today.

[chljoe]

That's kind of what I thought. That this was a new thing within the schools, not a practice that started twenty years ago. My friend is a teacher and we talk about kids being coddled not denigrated in any capacity. Like she will tell me that some parents get upset if their child is made to feel inferior by teachers because they did not perform as well as the other kids. Isn't that how it is supposed to go? I don't mean tell the kid 'You suck at life' but 'Do better next time' just isn't that bad.

[OnePimpTiger]

Agree completely...and not only is it not that bad, I think it's absolutely necessary. If you tell a kid that's underperforming "Great job, you're doing awesome" and not make them feel like they need to do better, how do they know they should try harder?

[Aikman_TheGreat]

A person close to me said yesterday after she lost a game "but Im trying really hard", in a confused way wondering why she lost. I said "well I try very, very hard at golf but I still will never make the Masters". Made her think.

[WilyWestbrook0]

I agree. Children should generally be encouraged and have dreams - but it's gotten to the point where this often is not balanced enough with constructive criticism, and then children don't know how to handle reality when failure occurs; they think they're entitled to success.

[daniel3417]

I think I'm the youngest to post so far, and I can tell you that nearing the end of my non-collegiate schooling ('94-'07) it was all about if you tried and not about the result. There is definitely something to be said for someone who tries, yet still fails, but I can assure you that it's easy to make it look like you're giving effort.

Kids get trophies for just playing on a team now. Why? Who cares? It's like a waste of time, and I never cared about them. I have a handful of championship trophies that I care about, and I knew that when I was 10. Why reward being average? That doesn't even make sense.

You are expected to be average, by definition. You should be chastised when below average and rewarded when above. Simple. But not so.

[OnePimpTiger]

You are expected to be average, by definition. You should be chastised when below average and rewarded when above. Simple.

Well said

[jlzinck]

We are raising generations of wussies.

Play a sport and get a "Participation Ribbon" or trophy. Is this OK for younger kids? Yes. 10 year old kids no.

Teackers cannot correct in red anymore because it is disturbing to some.

Teachers cannot write "Wrong" on multiple choice tests any more. "Choose a better answer" is sometimes written.

Then what happens when this coddled little people grow up they expect, and in the case of Massachusetts, are given the free pass.

The MTEL tests, you need to pass to become certified to teach in Massachusetts, has a decent 1st time fail rate. Somewhere between 35-50% fail the 1st time.

So this means you need to study harder and pass it the 2nd time.

My daughter did this. She failed at 1st. .
She had an out though because in 6th or 7th grade at a PTC conference a teacher told me and my wife that "Sarah doesn't test well." Of course she did this in front of my daughter.

I told her to study her butt off and she passed with flying colors he 2nd time.

So now in Mass they want to have anew policy. Fail the MTEL's 3 times AND GET A WAIVER TO TEACH ANYWAY.

How does this make sense to any rational thinking person?!?!?!