Marriage discussion

[Star_Cards]

Great posts so far. What do you guys think about shacking up before marriage? What are the pros and cons? Have any of you shacked up before you got married?

I haven't, but would. I actually view it as a typical step in a relationship. It helps test out if you can handle how each person lives. I think the aspect of living together isn't really grasped until you actually do live together. That would be the biggest pro to living together before getting married.

you'd also be able to save on rent. :)

[mrveggieman]

I agree in the sense that I don't need a marriage to legitimize a relationship. I would however marry a girl if I wanted to be with her and it was important to her. For me there's just something about the process I guess. I think it may be more about how other people see you and your relationship. That's not said in the sense that I worry about what other people think completely, but can understand that to some people it's important to be married. It is an action taken based on your seriousness to a relationship and not just verbal. If I ever get married it definitely wouldn't have any religious base or anything.

alex, I think it may scare you simply because you think of marriage in the context of specific girls that you have dated. Because you are scared I think that just says you haven't found the right one. I've been engaged one and with another woman I felt like I was ready to marry but it ended up just not working out on both counts. to me if the right girl comes along I can see myself marrying her.

What if your future wife was religious and wanted to have the marriage in her place of worship? Is that a deal breaker for you?

[joee5]

What if your future wife was religious and wanted to have the marriage in her place of worship? Is that a deal breaker for you?

well, men rule the roost in my family so it'll be in my house and mine alone. Some men are weak and will give in to demands but not here.

[mrveggieman]

I haven't, but would. I actually view it as a typical step in a relationship. It helps test out if you can handle how each person lives. I think the aspect of living together isn't really grasped until you actually do live together. That would be the biggest pro to living together before getting married.

you'd also be able to save on rent. :)

I tend to agree. My now wife and I also lived together for a couple of years before we got married. I am curious to know why people say couples who shack up before marriage are more likely to get divorced.

[drtom2005]

I tend to agree. My now wife and I also lived together for a couple of years before we got married. I am curious to know why people say couples who shack up before marriage are more likely to get divorced.

It is based on co-habitation studies. Although those studies may be outdated. In the past, people who co-habited had more risk factors for divorce to begin with. Personally, this is my opinion, I think it may prime the brain to think that you can leave even after getting married.

I'll never say never ,but I'm against it. It may be my previous Catholic upbringing still affecting me, though.

[ensbergcollector]

good marriage quote by jack benny:

"my wife mary and I have been married for 47 years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but not divorce."

[Star_Cards]

What if your future wife was religious and wanted to have the marriage in her place of worship? Is that a deal breaker for you?

hmm... I can't say 100%, but I'd think that if religion is that important for a would be bride, we probably wouldn't have gotten together in the first place. Usually if it's that important to a person they wouldn't date an atheist and their religion would be such a large part of their life I wouldn't want to date them. Usually in those cases there is tension about things like going to church and that sort of stuff even outside of the difference of religious opinion/ideals.

[Star_Cards]

I tend to agree. My now wife and I also lived together for a couple of years before we got married. I am curious to know why people say couples who shack up before marriage are more likely to get divorced.

I'm not sure about that. My main thinking about why people think it's bad is simply because if you are living with the person you are typically having premarital sex. That isn't an issue in my book so I say if you are going to get married you should live together first, but it just may not be for everyone.

[mrveggieman]

It is based on co-habitation studies. Although those studies may be outdated. In the past, people who co-habited had more risk factors for divorce to begin with. Personally, this is my opinion, I think it may prime the brain to think that you can leave even after getting married.

I'll never say never ,but I'm against it. It may be my previous Catholic upbringing still affecting me, though.

Yeah you can only take some "studies" with a grain of salt. I have worked in the market research field before and you can pretty much rigg your data to make it say whatever you want it to say.

[habsheaven]

I lived with my girlfriend for 6 months before we married. It is an eye-opener. I can't imagine going into a marriage blind without that glimpse of reality. My younger sister on the other hand, went from our parents home right into her new husband's home and she has been happily married for 20 years now.