Marriage discussion

[shrewsbury]

I have known my wife since she was 14 and I was 17, didn't date, I felt I was too old for her. When she graduated she looked me up and we have been together since, and now are in our 21st year of marriage. we have had some very hard times, but now all the kids are grown and gone, and we are almost starting over. being an empty nester is harder than I thought!

and I would like to comment and ask why would anyone consider moral sex as you have to be married? i would think anyone who cares for someone and not using them for sex would be moral.

[schwood]

As for the 'true love', I guess I would say that it just 'feels right' to both parties. I believe there are multiple people out there that 'might' be a good match for you, and I think sometimes people may think they found it, and they didn't. And quite honestly, you may never meet any of them. But keeping an open mind, and allowing things to happen, well, that will help in whatever your relationship quest might be.

I also see some, that at the first sign of any conflict, well, they quit. While others work and work and work, and it just does not work out. And I know I have friends, that are still married, and quite honestly living in misery. I guess I would say I love my wife, and I married her to give her a lifelong commitment to her and to our family, and anyone else can make whatever comments or think whatever they want about it. But, all I can say is that it is what is to each person individually. Whether anyone does or does not want to believe it. Others may think love at first sight, or fate, or whatever you want to call it. I just know I am in the right relationship, and quite honestly, it does not matter what anyone else might say or think.

Also, just one question, and I know I am all over the spectrum here, so, as an atheist you don't believe in a higher power of any kind? Again, this is not a shot at you, it is a question. I consider myself an agnostic. I believe in a higher power, but I just don't know what it might be. Sorry, just trying to understand peoples ideas.

This really is an interesting discussion and would love to see it continue. I just don't want someone to come in here bashing. That is when these threads always go bad. Let's keep this up. Thanks everyone. I truly value everybody's thoughts and ideas on this topic.

[JustAlex]

Ok, I wanted to quickly explain why I don't believe in "True Love".

I believe this concept is rooted in the idea that we are "destined" or "Fated" to be with the person who we truly love on this earth.

The reason why I reject that type of thinking is because I also don't believe in "destiny" or "Fate".

I want to share my parents story of how they came to know each other.....When my mom was 20 she began to work at an industrial factory back in her native country, she would take the bus to get to her job 5 days a week.

She noticed that a young man would frequently be in the same bus at the same time she was there, the young man was taking the same route as her to get to the university where he was studying. Weeks went by before she finally talked to this young man, Eventually they turned into friends and before not too long they began dating.....the rest is history.

She explained that it was FATE that they would meet up at the same time, on the same bus and they were meant to be together.

I heard this story and thought it was an amazing encounter that two complete strangers would eventually "Fall in love" and I would come into this world because of their love, it put many things into perspective.

HOWEVER....this is NOT Fate.

It is simple chance and coincidence that they met up in that bus, they both took the same route at the same time day after day, eventually one of them became interested in the other and one thing lead to another.....a domino effect.

As much as I am grateful for my parents, I don't believe there is anything special about their encounter.

The same could be told about the many different love stories that you hear when two complete stranger find each other and something "clicks".

If "fate" is real then it means that I am not in control of my life and I refuse to accept that, life is all about statistics, chance, and coincidences, nothing is planned in advanced.

[Wickabee]

You're right alex. Disney true love doesn't exist. Real love does, though

[JustAlex]

You're right alex. Disney true love doesn't exist. Real love does, though

Haha....actually Disney true love would be awesome if it was real

As for "real love", I guess I'm agnostic on that subject...

[joee5]

true love only in the movies.

[schwood]

As much as you do or don't want to believe it, it exists. And I guess I don't believe in the fairy tale love, I believe in real love, which I consider true love. Nothing to do with fate.

And as for being agnostic about real love, I would only ask, do you believe your parent's have 'real love'?

[Wickabee]

Everyone is agnostic towards real love until they find it. You just haven't found it, alex.

[Wickabee]

I believe this concept is rooted in the idea that we are "destined" or "Fated" to be with the person who we truly love on this earth.

This is wrong, alex. Many people believe it, but that doesn't mean that's really what it is. I think you're treating this like religion/God. I'll explain.

You look around and think, "God cannot be what anyone is telling me it is, so I believe there is no God."
I look around and think, "God cannot be what anyone is telling me, so I believe all religion is wrong."

See the difference?

I think it's the same here. You don't believe in fate and most people call true love "fate", therefor you don't believe in true love.
I don't believe in fate, therefor I think true love is different than what I've been told, not that it doesn't exist.

Many people equate "true" love with "love at first sight" but it's not. I feel my wife and I have true, real love, but to be honest, when I first met her I couldn't stand her. Love at first sight is just that. It shows up quickly, it leaves quickly and it was probably never actually love to begin with. Real love takes time, effort, honesty. Love at first sight only takes attraction. Love at first sight rarely works, as much as we're told it's everywhere. You can't love someone without knowing them and you can't know someone at first sight.

So don't discount true love because you see it as chained to fate. It's not.

[JustAlex]

As much as you do or don't want to believe it, it exists. And I guess I don't believe in the fairy tale love, I believe in real love, which I consider true love. Nothing to do with fate.

And as for being agnostic about real love, I would only ask, do you believe your parent's have 'real love'?

That's a difficult question to answer and unfortunately I really can't since I don't know what's going on in my parents heads.

Don't get me wrong, I DO believe in Love.....I would have to be a pretty depressing individual if I didn't believe in that, what I don't believe in is "True Love" aka "unconditional love".

Humans are selfish to the core it is an instinct that is very hard to shed.

Now.....a question for you: If fate has nothing to do with love, do you believe that an individual is able to "truly love" more than one person?

Doesn't that diminish the meaning of "true love", if I can "truly love" more than one individual how true can that love really be?