Marriage discussion

[mrveggieman]

Great posts so far. What do you guys think about shacking up before marriage? What are the pros and cons? Have any of you shacked up before you got married?

[cbuskstwar]

I think I'm in the same boat as Alex, I just cant see being married, to many of my friends and family have had bad experiences with marriage.

Sure.

But before I answer I want to let you know I'm not a "normal" person when it comes to this stuff, for example, I don't believe in "true love"....I think it's silly to believe that two complete strangers can experience "true love"....I believe they get accustomed to each other and slowly tolerate each other long enough to make a commitment to stay together.

Secondly, I believe that a lot of people that get married do so without actually believing that they will stay together until death.....I think most of them go into it with the mindset of "Well, we'll see how things go, let's give it a try".


Having said all of that the only "Pro" I can find for marriage is the government benefits that come along with it....that's it.

Like I said, If I want a family I can do so without marriage, if I want to stay together with someone else and play the "husband and wife game" I can also do that without marriage.


So what are my "Cons"?

The second you get married the chances of getting divorced are instantly a very good possibility, and financially a divorce can literally cripple a man or woman.

More cons....the fact that I'm making a commitment to being with ONE girl for the rest of my life is absolutely frightening to me.

I'm not saying I'm some super playboy that has illicit affairs with a lot of girls, but at the same time I don't want to be tied down.


Finally another con I can list is that I simply don't like the ideology of marriage, as an atheist I don't see it as a union from god and since I don't believe in "True love", what exactly is my purpose of doing it?

[schwood]

I truly respect every person's ideas. With that said, I also have my own ideas on all topics discussed here...

The financial liability of 'having sex with any girl that allows me" may turn into much more of a financial liability than a divorce would ever cause you.

I will also be honest, my wife and I were married by a Justice of the Peace to the shagrin (sp?) of many of her family members. But that was our choice, and we both agreed that we did not have to get married in a 'church' to show our love for each other.

Also, I will quite frank, the fact that you don't think that 'true love' exists is kind of a sad state as I see it. And it may affect your ability to make an emotional attachment to a partner. And I can be completely honest, there is something called 'true love' because I can honestly tell you I have it. And I would bet that there are others out there that can tell you that they have found it too. My wife and I are truly in love, and she is quite honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Again, this is not me trying to talk you into anything and certainly not me meaning to be condescending. It is just one person's idea of marriage (and inherently family) and how precious and special it can truly be. I think this is a very good topic for discussion and think it is extremely interesting to see everyone's ideas on the subject. And it is also important to keep it as a discussion and not as a personal attack of anyone's beliefs or thoughts on the topics at hand.

[cbuskstwar]

I could come back with some funny statement about "true love" but I've personal haven't experienced that in my 42 years of life. Maybe I missed the chance years ago, not sure.

[Star_Cards]

to a positive, uplifting thread! We need more of these around here.

One thing that has always stuck with me that I plan on remember when I get married (I'm 24 now and dating the girl I would like to marry in the very near future) was an interview with Will Smith. They asked him at the time how he was able to keep his marriage steady when so many in Hollywood were getting divorces. He answered "Divorce simply is never an option for us."

didn't will and jada split up last year?

[joee5]

everyone should try it once

[Star_Cards]

Well, I personally believe marriage is wholesomely TERRIBLE.....if I want to make a family, I can do so without marriage, If I love someone....I can do so without making a nonsense commitment to be together until one of us dies.

However for you guys that do in fact want to partake in such an outdated ritual, that is great and of course my stance is that I believe ALL consenting adults should be able to marry whatever gender or transgender they prefer.

Overall, I have a very bleak outlook on marriage, I find it unnecessary, too many cons and not enough pros for me to want to do it.

yeah, I guess I'll remain a bachelor for the rest of my life having sex with any girl that allows me, instead of the dreadful "marriage game" and sticking to ONE girl.....just the thought of it frightens me.....no thank you.

I agree in the sense that I don't need a marriage to legitimize a relationship. I would however marry a girl if I wanted to be with her and it was important to her. For me there's just something about the process I guess. I think it may be more about how other people see you and your relationship. That's not said in the sense that I worry about what other people think completely, but can understand that to some people it's important to be married. It is an action taken based on your seriousness to a relationship and not just verbal. If I ever get married it definitely wouldn't have any religious base or anything.

alex, I think it may scare you simply because you think of marriage in the context of specific girls that you have dated. Because you are scared I think that just says you haven't found the right one. I've been engaged one and with another woman I felt like I was ready to marry but it ended up just not working out on both counts. to me if the right girl comes along I can see myself marrying her.

[Star_Cards]

as far as the discussion of true love, I'm not sure what each person means when they say that. are they saying it in a sense of fate or having sole mates and so on. I don't believe that at all. I feel there are many different people out there that an individual could be a good match for. True love in the sense that something was meant to be is something I do not believe exists outside of the fact that there is always someone out there that each of us would get along with and have a successful relationship.

[drtom2005]

Well, I personally believe marriage is wholesomely TERRIBLE.....if I want to make a family, I can do so without marriage, If I love someone....I can do so without making a nonsense commitment to be together until one of us dies.

However for you guys that do in fact want to partake in such an outdated ritual, that is great and of course my stance is that I believe ALL consenting adults should be able to marry whatever gender or transgender they prefer.

Overall, I have a very bleak outlook on marriage, I find it unnecessary, too many cons and not enough pros for me to want to do it.

yeah, I guess I'll remain a bachelor for the rest of my life having sex with any girl that allows me, instead of the dreadful "marriage game" and sticking to ONE girl.....just the thought of it frightens me.....no thank you.

Alex, once you get a really good job, you'll want to get married to someone. Too many tax benefits. The government kind of forces people to get married. I am not married and will not get married until I find the right person who understands my me ( If people couldn't tell, I'm slightly opinionated and think I'm right most of time. LOL).

But when it happens, I'm down. Too many benefits to men. We live longer. Can have someone to be their for us and us for them. Possible kids. Money doesn't matter as much, but the tax benefits are great.

I do not believe in the concept of true love shown in the media. In my mind, true love is being willing to work out things, being loyal to your partner, and being kind to them. The initial feelings in marriage and relationships wax and wane.

[mrveggieman]

everyone should try it once

What marriage or divorce?