Marriage discussion

[Wickabee]

You know I really do love my wife but sometimes I wonder how my life would be if we never met. Then sometimes I wonder how I could live without her. Marriage has it's ups and downs. Marriage can be drama but so can a divorce. We are working on things but we will see how it turns out.

Funny thing about divorce I've noticed. When it's a mutual break-up that is a "legitimate" divorce, both people are unhappy at first but, in the end, are much happier. When it's one person just flat out leaving their spouse, the person who left is usually happy at first and miserable later while the person who was left is miserable at first but happier in the end.

[schwood]

One word - Communication!

I think a lot of marriages end due to the lack of communication. And communication goes both ways. You have to be able to speak your mind to your partner, and you have to be able to listen to your partner. Without communication, in the long run, relationships are nearly impossible. Have an open mind, and give your spouse an open communication line at all times. This will help more than you could ever imagine. I honestly could absolutely not even think about life without my wife and two kids. And honestly, with the good and bad, there is nothing in life more important than family.

[JustAlex]

Well, I personally believe marriage is wholesomely TERRIBLE.....if I want to make a family, I can do so without marriage, If I love someone....I can do so without making a nonsense commitment to be together until one of us dies.

However for you guys that do in fact want to partake in such an outdated ritual, that is great and of course my stance is that I believe ALL consenting adults should be able to marry whatever gender or transgender they prefer.

Overall, I have a very bleak outlook on marriage, I find it unnecessary, too many cons and not enough pros for me to want to do it.

yeah, I guess I'll remain a bachelor for the rest of my life having sex with any girl that allows me, instead of the dreadful "marriage game" and sticking to ONE girl.....just the thought of it frightens me.....no thank you.

[Tivo32]

Overall, I have a very bleak outlook on marriage, I find it unnecessary, too many cons and not enough pros for me to want to do it.

I'd be interested to know, since we're right around the same age, what are you pros and cons for marriage? :)

[JustAlex]

I'd be interested to know, since we're right around the same age, what are you pros and cons for marriage? :)

Sure.

But before I answer I want to let you know I'm not a "normal" person when it comes to this stuff, for example, I don't believe in "true love"....I think it's silly to believe that two complete strangers can experience "true love"....I believe they get accustomed to each other and slowly tolerate each other long enough to make a commitment to stay together.

Secondly, I believe that a lot of people that get married do so without actually believing that they will stay together until death.....I think most of them go into it with the mindset of "Well, we'll see how things go, let's give it a try".


Having said all of that the only "Pro" I can find for marriage is the government benefits that come along with it....that's it.

Like I said, If I want a family I can do so without marriage, if I want to stay together with someone else and play the "husband and wife game" I can also do that without marriage.


So what are my "Cons"?

The second you get married the chances of getting divorced are instantly a very good possibility, and financially a divorce can literally cripple a man or woman.

More cons....the fact that I'm making a commitment to being with ONE girl for the rest of my life is absolutely frightening to me.

I'm not saying I'm some super playboy that has illicit affairs with a lot of girls, but at the same time I don't want to be tied down.


Finally another con I can list is that I simply don't like the ideology of marriage, as an atheist I don't see it as a union from god and since I don't believe in "True love", what exactly is my purpose of doing it?

[Zimbow]

I'm engaged as well and set to marry March of 2013. I've read through your post Alex and I thank you for a honest reply. I too can honestly say that after I read through your pros and cons, I feel even more sure about the idea of marriage for me. Thanks!

[Wickabee]

Alex, I'm gonna bet con #2 is the entire reason you say that. Sure you have separate, thought out reasoning beyond that but it probably all leads back to a fear of commitment. There's no need to be insulting as I found post #13 to be. There's nothing wrong with a fear of commitment. Most males have it built into them. Our instinct is to inseminate as many females as possible so the very idea of marriage goes against our instincts. Somewhere along the line man evolved past this as part of our moral code. Whatever line of evolution you're on is fine, but there's no need to insult those who are ahead of you. You may think you're further evolving but you're really running on the most basic of instincts: Further the Species.

(I'm mostly teasing you, but you were a little condescending before

[JustAlex]

I'm engaged as well and set to marry March of 2013. I've read through your post Alex and I thank you for a honest reply. I too can honestly say that after I read through your pros and cons, I feel even more sure about the idea of marriage for me. Thanks!

LOL, happy I could help

Seriously though, congrats on your engagement, marriage is definitely not for me but I know that to most other people it is a joyous time when someone is about to get married.

The only thing I care about is that we can all find our own happiness.

[JustAlex]

Alex, I'm gonna bet con #2 is the entire reason you say that. Sure you have separate, thought out reasoning beyond that but it probably all leads back to a fear of commitment. There's no need to be insulting as I found post #13 to be. There's nothing wrong with a fear of commitment. Most males have it built into them. Our instinct is to inseminate as many females as possible so the very idea of marriage goes against our instincts. Somewhere along the line man evolved past this as part of our moral code. Whatever line of evolution you're on is fine, but there's no need to insult those who are ahead of you. You may think you're further evolving but you're really running on the most basic of instincts: Further the Species.

(I'm mostly teasing you, but you were a little condescending before

Fair enough, and yes I was indeed condescending.

LOL....even I have to laugh at myself: "I guess I'll remain a bachelor for the rest of my life having sex with any girl that allows me".....HAHAHA, that's an awesome fantasy to hold on to, don't you think?


I agree with your comment fully, It's very logical and there's really nothing I can say against it.

I know my way of thinking in this matter is very different than most, but then again my thinking in most matters are indeed different than the majority and I have come to accept that about myself.

I will only say that even though you are dead on about the "commitment" factor of marriage, I really must emphasize that I honestly don't believe in "true love".

I just don't......and BTW, my parents are 61 and 62 and are still married, 35 years and counting.

Do I believe they truly love each other?

Honestly.....I don't really want to answer that question because if I really think about it, I won't like the answer.

[Wickabee]

You may be in the minority, but not the vast minority.