Marriage discussion

[JustAlex]

This is wrong, alex. Many people believe it, but that doesn't mean that's really what it is. I think you're treating this like religion/God. I'll explain.

You look around and think, "God cannot be what anyone is telling me it is, so I believe there is no God."
I look around and think, "God cannot be what anyone is telling me, so I believe all religion is wrong."

See the difference?

I think it's the same here. You don't believe in fate and most people call true love "fate", therefor you don't believe in true love.
I don't believe in fate, therefor I think true love is different than what I've been told, not that it doesn't exist.

Many people equate "true" love with "love at first sight" but it's not. I feel my wife and I have true, real love, but to be honest, when I first met her I couldn't stand her. Love at first sight is just that. It shows up quickly, it leaves quickly and it was probably never actually love to begin with. Real love takes time, effort, honesty. Love at first sight only takes attraction. Love at first sight rarely works, as much as we're told it's everywhere. You can't love someone without knowing them and you can't know someone at first sight.

So don't discount true love because you see it as chained to fate. It's not.

Once again you have made me think....in a good way.

I don't want to ask you an awkward question so I'll ask the question to myself.

If I were with a girl who I believed I truly loved, let me test that love:

If I could get away with cheating on her with the most ideal girl my head can come up with, would I do it?

I have told this question before with every girl I have ever been with the answer is always the same.....YES!

Of course this is where you will say that I have not met the the right person, correct?

So, like I said before.....I don't believe in fate, I don't believe there is a "right person" for every human on earth, so do you see the conflict?

How can I resolve this conflict without a contridiction.

Here is the equation:

Fate and Destiny do not exists in my worldview.

I have admitted to myself that I would cheat on my girlfriend if there was the possibility of getting away with it.

So this must mean that I have not met the "right person".

However that conflicts with my denial of "fate".

Conclusion, I CAN love a girl but that love is conditional and ultimately flawed.

[Wickabee]

I never said there was one right person either.

[JustAlex]

I never said there was one right person either.

I guess.

And I'm also guessing that my theoretical question would not work on everyone.

I'm sure there are some people who would say that they would not cheat on their GF/Wife even if they could get away with it.

Then again, I must question that response since humans are indeed not perfect and are driven by desire.

[Wickabee]

It's a matter of finding someone worth it, not "the one". That's the difference. There is no "one" only "ones". You'll find one eventually.

[habsheaven]

There's no such thing as "getting away with it". Whether my wife found out or not, the guilt would destroy me. I also cannot imagine the pain that would cause both my wife and my children and there's no desire strong enough to ever let me risk it.

I often compare it to cheating at a sport or a game. What's the point of winning if you know you cheated? That has never made any sense to me.

[AUTaxMan]

There's no such thing as "getting away with it". Whether my wife found out or not, the guilt would destroy me. I also cannot imagine the pain that would cause both my wife and my children and there's no desire strong enough to ever let me risk it.

Absolutely right.

[JustAlex]

There's no such thing as "getting away with it". Whether my wife found out or not, the guilt would destroy me. I also cannot imagine the pain that would cause both my wife and my children and there's no desire strong enough to ever let me risk it.

You have a good heart, a great trait to have.

I often compare it to cheating at a sport or a game. What's the point of winning if you know you cheated? That has never made any sense to me.

Well, there's no point if there is nothing to gain.....however if you gain fame, money, adoration then that's different.

Again, this is all under the assumption that you won't get caught.

It's like asking someone if they would rob a bank if they knew they won't get caught, a lot of people would say yes.


Human beings are creatures of habit, they don't break it unless there is something to gain, and usually it has to be something worthwhile.

In my mind I can come up with my perfect ideal woman.....long hair, slender body, light tan skin color, etc.

If you told me that I could spend one night with this ideal woman with absolutely no consequences......this is the equivilent to telling me that I could rob a bank and not get caught.

Would I feel some guilt?

Yes, I probably would, but my instinct, my desire, my impulsiveness, my selfish human core........would give in.....after all, I am not perfect.

[schwood]

That's a difficult question to answer and unfortunately I really can't since I don't know what's going on in my parents heads.

Don't get me wrong, I DO believe in Love.....I would have to be a pretty depressing individual if I didn't believe in that, what I don't believe in is "True Love" aka "unconditional love".

Humans are selfish to the core it is an instinct that is very hard to shed.

Now.....a question for you: If fate has nothing to do with love, do you believe that an individual is able to "truly love" more than one person?

Doesn't that diminish the meaning of "true love", if I can "truly love" more than one individual how true can that love really be?

Completely agree if you haven't seen it, it is a hard question to answer. Why I asked cuz I certainly can't answer it.

Here is one I would absolutely diagree with you on. And honestly, I don't think there is a debate for 'unconditional love', in a particular case. When you have a child, you will know what unconditional love is. There is no way around it.

I think that we understand true love as two completely different things, as you have defined it as unconditional love, and I do not believe that. I don't think true love is something as simple as that. I think that true love is more something that you learn with a particular person. And with that knowledge about a person, their belief system, and their moral direction, that you realize 'Wow, this is love'. Therefore, to answer your question, I think that one person could potentially find multiple people that they truly love in that way. For instance, a man and a woman are married. They live a life together for 20 years, they share happiness and sadness. Children. A home and a life. One of them dies. I believe that a person can find another person whom they truly love. It might not be exactly the same as thier first love, but it can certainly be true love.

I guess what I can say, if you find a partner that you truly have feelings for, you share the same morals, beliefs and direction in life, and you want to get married, then, definitely do it. Again, all I would recommend is that you go into any relationship with an open mind, as people (all of us) change over time, and always always always keep an open line of communication to that partner. This is not a 'phone' or 'text' line, you need to be face to face and you need to be able to talk things through. Again, more my ideas and things I have gathered from my life knowledge.

Ya know what, I have to say, this is one of the better threads I have ever been involved in with no bashing thus far. I see too much thread bashing these days, and it is quite honestly a huge joke. Thanks to all of you. I will continue to check back and discuss here.

One unrelated question, do you guys trade at all, cuz you all seem like reasonable people I would gladly trade with.

[Wickabee]

One unrelated question, do you guys trade at all, cuz you all seem like reasonable people I would gladly trade with.

I trade hockey, but I'm a Canucks fan so...
(jk)

[mrveggieman]

One unrelated question, do you guys trade at all, cuz you all seem like reasonable people I would gladly trade with.

Yeah I trade. I mainly have football and basketball but I would be interested in hockey, garbage pail kids, comic books and possibly nascar as well.